And the World Spins Madly On...

         I rub the sleep crust out of my eyes and stare at the white as snow ceiling for a while. I think about you, and your smile that I miss so much. I close my eyes and sigh, but I get up anyway.

I dress in my usual school attire, colorful and happy, such a stunning contrast to me, dull and unhappy. If you were here, I'd be happy. I'd be laughing at one of your dad jokes. Well, maybe not, you're not really a morning person, just like me. We're more night-owlish.

I smile into my coffee at thoughts of times we sat in our old living room and watched old war movies. The weird part is that I miss is the kind of stuff I thought little of. Like our business talks, and

I sigh as I listen to music and watch the world pass by me on the bus to school. The spring sky moves on by me, and I'm standing still. I lean my head against the moist windowpane and close my eyes, willing the tears not to come out.

Even as the teacher drones on about amphibians, I'm still pushing tears back. I take out my notebook of letters I've written to you since you've been gone. Hey Dad. I'm in class right now, and we're learning about amphibians. You loved amphibians. I write down, Do you remember taking me out to the pond to study the frogs? I sure do. I remember how I used to think they're gross. I sure wish I'd listened to you now. I pause for a moment, closing my eyes and remembering every detail of that day, from how slimy everything looked to the sun shining down on my your face. I continue to write, Our teacher is telling us about all that nasty stuff right now. I'd be able to actually listen if I didn't miss you so much. Love ya daddy, Cassie I sigh and close the book and go back to attempting to listen to that horrible drone about frogs.

I grab an apple and rush up to my bedroom, where I can cry in peace. But despite having to fight tears the whole day, I don't want to cry anymore. I want to remember. I want to remember all those times we spent together, learning golf, swimming and just talking. I look out my window and take a bite of my apple, feeling the tingling sensation of the sun. I close my eyes and smile, watching a slideshow of memories.

After an awkward dinner conversation without you, I cross off one day on my calendar. One day done, a bunch more to go I tell myself. I lay my head on my pillow and let one tear slide down my cheek.

"I miss you, Dad"

And the world spins madly on...